In The Same Place Once Again
by Another Writer Who Loves
Summary: Mary finds herself in front of her heavens door. Spoilers for 14x18 "Absence".


Jacks name is still on her lips before there was a flash of light that overtook her vision. Mary blinked and slowly brought her arm down, she had extended it to try to reach out for Jack and looked around.

She was standing in front of a door in a hallway that she had never seen before. It was a light filled hallway that seemed endless and the only thing breaking the monotone were the multiple doors leading somewhere.

She looked at the door in front of her, eyes going to the plaque and felt her breath catch.

_Mary Winchester_

_1954-1983_

_2016-2019_

Staring at the sign she felt a bit of panic go through her as she looked around once more, realizing slowly where she was and what had happened.

She was in heaven, small parts of memories played in her mind from the first time she had been here.

If she was in heaven that meant...she was dead. She was dead and in heaven and that meant...

Jack had killed her.

A small whimper escaped her and she took a moment to steel herself, curling her hand into fists as she looked around, trying to figure out what to do. She cast one more look at the door and then started to walk down the hallway, tensing when she heard a door, her door, open.

"Going to leave without saying goodbye?"

The familiar voice made her freeze and something inside of her clench, a sob caught in her throat as she slowly turned around.

John was standing there, hands in his pockets, and smiling at her. He looked the same as he had when he had been at the bunker and everything about him made her want to start sobbing from missing him so damn much.

"John." she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself to make sure she didn't go to him. "You're..."

"Made it to heaven." John said with another easy smile. "Went to hell, managed to escape, somehow managed to get here." he looked around. "And you were here with me but then...you were gone."

"Amara, the sister of God...she brought me back to life." Mary said softly, swallowing hard. "I...was here...and then...I was on earth."

John nodded, just smiling as he looked at her. "I missed you." he said, his voice tinged with longing. "Heavens...been lonely without you."

"I can't stay here." Mary whispered despite how much she wanted to. She wanted to be with him again. "The boys...they need me. They..."

"They'll be fine." John told her. "We raised them right, we raised them strong. They have each other, they'll be fine."

"I barely had time with them." Mary whispered. "I can't just leave them, we've just...I've just...I want more time with them."

"I know, I know, me too." John said, leaning against the wall slightly. "But...you did get more time Mary, you got another three years. That's three more than you had before."

Mary breathed out slowly, gripping at her arms a bit tighter. "Are you really John?" she asked. "Or are you just...a thing of heaven to look like him?"

John laughed at that and god she hated how much warmth spread through her at the sound.

"I'm him." he assured her. "Granted heaven does want me to convince you to stay but if you want to leave," he grinned at her. "I'll help you."

A rush of breath escaped her and despite everything, Mary couldn't help but laugh at that, laughing so hard she slumped forward slightly, hands on her knees to keep her upright. John laughed with her and the sound easily echoed through the empty hallway.

"It's up to you, you're relatively freshly dead." John said. "So it might be easier for you to come back to life. Again."

"What about you?" Mary asked, taking a deep breath. "What's going to happen to you?"

John gave a shrug and glanced around. "I'll be here." he said simply. "Waiting for you to come back to me."

Mary hesitated, staring at him for a long silent moment. "I want you to come with me." she whispered.

John shook his head. "It's been too long for me." he said softly. "I have no more physical ties to earth." he took a deep breath. "I want to go back with you, I want to be with the boys again and help them and just try to be with them again but...I can't. I'm stuck here."

"I can't live without you." Mary whispered, remembering that dinner in the bunker with the four of them. "Not again."

"It's up to you sweetheart." John said softly. "I'll be here and I'll be waiting, you'll come back home to me eventually and I can wait."

Mary took a deep breath and tried to think things clearly, the boys wouldn't be selling their souls for her, she would kill herself before she allowed those deals to be set through. Spell work and magic would only go so far to bring her back to life.

She wanted to think that Jack wasn't conscious of what he had done, that he hadn't done it with malice or a desire to hurt her, he was just a child lashing out.

A very powerful child with unimaginable power and abilities who was just having a panic attack and responded in an answer to that attack. She hoped that he wasn't going to blame himself too much, it wasn't his fault.

He was powerful, but it took the power of God's sister to bring her back to life. Despite everything Jack wasn't on that level.

She was doubtful that any angel currently in heaven would be willing to help her, more likely they would just shove her into the room and lock the door behind her to make sure she couldn't escape.

She was stuck here, she had no way to get back to earth and even if she did, her body was destroyed and she wasn't sure if it could be rebuilt from the nothing that remained from Jacks attack.

Mary looked up to see John staring at her, a small smile on his face, similar to the easy smile that she had at first fallen in love with all those years ago.

Slowly she reached out for him and he did the same, taking one another's hand and entwining their fingers together. "I'm going to miss the boys." she whispered, her voice cracking. "So much."

Oh god, Sam and Dean, she had no idea how they were going to act to this, she had no idea how they'll be. The three of them were finally starting to connect to one another, start to be a real family again, she had been kicking herself for so many things she did in the past to hurt them and everything that made the distance between them grow.

She was never going to have that chance, at this point not even a third or even a fourth chance, maybe it was a fifth or sixth chance, but it was gone. It had been lost and this time, this time, she wasn't going to be able to get it back.

"The boys will come eventually." John murmured. "When it's their time they'll come home."

Mary nodded, tears in her eyes and took one more deep breath before she started towards the door. She opened the door and hesitated for a moment before crossing over the doorway, John's hand in hers.

"They'll be okay. They have each other."

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**102/365**

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